Not that I ever intended to abandon this blog, but since the horrible tragedy that unfolded in Newtown, CT last Friday, I've felt compelled to express myself. But I'm not even sure how I feel. I feel a range of emotions - anger, saddness, anxiety, fear, etc. but what is that? What does that even mean in the face of such a horrific event?
I struggle with trying to make sense of it all - just as everyone else does, I'm sure. I'm trying to find the balance between giving these people their privacy to grieve with their close friends and family with wanting to know everything - the stories of all the victims - who they really were as well as the motives behind that kids actions. I feel guilty for feeding in to the media sensationalism of this story, but also guilty if I just ignore it. Like, if I look away, does that mean I don't care? I know it doesn't, but it feels that way right now. It doesn't help that I have family that went to Sandy Hook elementary. Brings it a little too close to home. Thankfully everyone down there is physically ok. Mentally? Well, let's just say, I'm sure they have a long path to healing ahead of them. Their lives will never, can never, be the same.
Why does tragedy bring us back to our roots? to the basics? all I cared about this past weekend was hugging my kid and hanging out with her - making sure she knows that I love her unconditionally. I just wanted to be home, with her, and safe. Shouldn't that always be my #1 priority? And strangely, I felt myself even more compelled to have another child. Like I want to show yet another human being that this world can be a GOOD place and that they are loved unconditionally. I don't even know what THAT is...
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